The painting of the white horse journey is coming to its ending faze. I had some struggles with it because I had real trouble letting go of attaching to an end result. I was very focused on giving an accurate description of my journey, and wanted to paint just that. That was before I understood a tiny tiny little more of what shamanic painting is. Like the aspect of letting the painting talk to you essentially.. But hey, let’s not leave the impression that I know anything about shamanic painting now. What I try to say is that I understood even less then nothing a few weeks ago...
You know I hope I don’t bore anyone because I really need to write all this stuff down right here on my blog. Because doing that leads me to see connections from a different perspective then when I would write it down in a dairy form and just for my own eyes to see. I am discovering all sorts of new connections though writing for you. I have always wanted to write a book when I would grow up..Well maybe this blog is a start..
But okay, back to the journey. What I wanted to talk about is that I had this really weird experience with the white horse after I took my journey. The day I took the journey was the same day I had my first session with a teacher to lift my energy work up onto a more professional level. I wrote about that fabulous learning experience in this post. Anyway, back to the white horse... that evening I did a guided mediation for the learning session with my teacher and in that mediation the white horse re-appeared. But in a totally unexpected way.
During meditating I felt my legs change into horse legs, white horse legs. But i also changed in my upper body, I wore a red Capulet. And I felt I was looking like a person from the middle ages. Could not quite figure out if I was male or female, I tend more towards male, but with a feminine kind of boyish energy. It was so so weird, I have never had something like a change of body occur to me during a meditation before. And then on top of that I did not even change into a another human but into a half animal half human.. Actually when I write this down I changed into a centaur when you consider I had (white)horse legs. And wow, now that I think of this I wrote a post a few days ago about the cornflower. Which has been my favorite flower for as long as I can remember, so I researched its symbolic meaning and learned that this flower has as Latin name, Cyanus, which has come from the centaur. Wow, is this what it feels like?? When the subconscious starts talking to me through its web of archetypical symbols and images to give me messages about who I am and where I need to go to be on my true path??
I feel that the main message I got from the white horse Is I that I should release all tendency towards wanting to control situations that are tender and purely made out of emotions. Just leave them as they are, leave them be and go with their flow...without wanting to be the driver of those situations. without attachment to a certain outcome and trying to steer the car that way! In surrendering my desire to steer not only will my physical health improve but also I feel clearly that my emotional health will benefit. And I also believe that any situation will flow, where it is supposed to go. For me this is a tough one to live by. As I always was the one in the driver’s seat. In earthly (money/work) matters I still feel I have to take charge firmly. Maybe that needs to change as well, to leave air to breathe for me and let more abundance flow in to my life naturally. It’s just so hard to live in faith and surrender when you feel like ( like I do) that you have always had to do everything by yourself. I realize now that I took the drives seat as much as I could to create a sense of safety for myself. Safety has always been a scares state of being in my life. Originating where it originates from for everybody, early childhood.
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