Cherry dream

I had a dream last night where I encountered a huge tree full of ripe and enormously big cherries. Dark red, shiny and juicy cherries. I picked a handful and ate them, they tasted so sweet and were as juicy as they looked. It was from a tree in my friends garden. I tried to tell her they were there but she somehow just pulled up her shoulders and did not really seem to care. I felt frustrated by her response and tried again to make her see what richness she had hanging from the tree in HER garden. But she kept looking the other way..

I forgot all about the dream until my daughter asked me this morning at breakfast if she could taste one of the elderberries we picked yesterday. When she tasted one she said ‘mommy, this cherry tastes like flowers’..

Then boom, like a light bulb the dream came back to me. It had been a very vivid dream, I remember the cherries into detail, their color, their texture and their taste..

I found out that cherries in dream have all sorts of very beautiful meanings...

It was a ‘cherry morning’.  It just occurred to me she had picked, (or did I?) her cherry blouse to wear to school this morning. It’s a lovely start of the day, I love synchronicity...  

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Getting a glimpse

Picture made of one of my sewed paintings by Claudette van de Rakt

By saying what I am about to say now I realize that i will be risking being called crazy from now on  by all of the people who take the time and effort to come and read my blog... But I am going to talk about this anyway, partly because I can’t stop smiling about this 'thing' I found out about myself,  and partly i would just like to shout it from each rooftop ...

There is a history behind this story which started at a very early age. I always as long as I can remember have had  this immensely great interest in the invisible world surrounding us. And this came also with a huge sense of being pulled towards all that is unseen. Pulled as in not having a choice NOT to know and feel constantly it surrounds us and is like a parallel reality to ours.

The last few months I have been feeling as if things in my life surrounding this subject have gotten in a fast mode. 'Things' kept presenting itself to me, and all I had to do was follow the trail to see where it would lead me. The trail lead me to the answer to my long long time uttered prayers in finding a teacher who can guide me into my right path where dealing with the unseen world  is concerned. I have been feeling ‘stuff’ that is a bit unusual and not really a topic for party conversations, unless you want to be labeled a freak, for all my life. I just learned to live with it and mostly tried to ignore it to be able to see myself as being perfectly ‘normal’. And also i always tried ignoring it because especially my father had been worried that if i would open up to the unseen world, i would end up in a loony home for sure. And i kind of believed him until recently, where i finally broke free from his good intentions and fatherly concerns, i started to follow my own plan.

The things I feel/sense and see are things that I only express to people that I know in my heart speak the same language. And that have been not too many until now, but luckily a few have crossed paths with me. My prayers have been answered recently when I met the right person to help me recognize and help me remember what I have been doing unconsciously for a long time.  

So as of recently i have entered  a study program for people that channel unseen energies. Actually it is a program to basically become a professional  medium. I am being taught how to professionalize my skills. Yesterday I had this mind blowing experience when I was asked to see if I could sense and describe the guides of my teacher. I got confirmation that all I saw, sensed and felt were the details about (real, but already diseased) family members of my teacher. The information I 'got' about them came flowing out of my mouth with an ease and in great detail, I had never imagined 'it' could flow through me.. My teacher had been convinced even before this 'lesson' that I am a natural medium, and that all that has to happen for me to realize it is for me to start to 'remember' that about myself. But when I listen to what I am supposedly capable of according to what my teacher says, I just feel like waving my head and politely saying thank you for the heartfelt compliments, but to myself I think they must be talking about someone else, not me...  

But since yesterday evening due to what happened with the guides I channeled I feel this sort of breakthrough happening in my own confidence.  I’m carefully getting this fragile feeling that maybe I could?! Maybe I could be useful to others, and at the same time do what I always dreamed to do, to become a professional medium? 

I am so happy to have been lead to the right person to help me re-connect to something that has been lingering inside me ever since i was a child, and that i had always put aside as being too weird to handle. Partly 'too weird' because I had no idea what it could be useful for... And as i am really a practical kind of girl by heart, i don't like to do stuff that is seemingly 'useless' :-)

I would like to shout this happy feeling I have now from the rooftops because I have always deeply wished my destiny is to help people, in the same way my teacher does, as a medium... Now I got a glimpse of the fact that I could truly be slowly on my way to find my way into that...

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Sacred space

Now the woman knew why she kept dreaming of him kissing her. And she felt at peace..

The deep desire to heal her own heart was the reason she chose this path. She chose to face the pain caused by the 'not knowing'. She chose to flow with it so the stone shell around her heart could finally break. For this woman had a deep longing for finding the sacred knowledge of the mystery of their heart connection. 

And also she had great faith of the warm healing power of the sun. But the sun would only reach inside her heart if she willingly let the pain break the thick shell around it. 

And so she felt strong to face what had to come, while holding their sacred space of togehterness safe in her heart....

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Altar for art

Today we had two lovely sisters to visit us. 

While these cute sisters were playing with my kids this morning I was busy making my little energy altar. Gathering things that hold the energy i want to pull in during the painting adventure "Visual Quest".. An online course i will be participating in starting tomorrow. Well it actually starts today, but that’s US time. Here in Holland, i will only be able to start tomorrow morning, when the first lessons will begin. Pixie Campbell is the teacher. She is a shamanic painter from the US. I have been following lots of her teachings in the past. Among those teachings are her Spree cast video's, and other media she uses to reach out. She teaches deep lessons about spiritual quest in life, relationships and in art. I love the way she tries to emphasize the responsibility we all have for our lives. To get out of the victim consciousness we are all in at times and to move into taking the bull by the horns when it comes to creating the life that you want. And a lot of her teachings are about how to take that responsibility in your own hands. 

This course means a very very whole lot to me, i just know i will be amazed and will spiritually grow by her teachings. I always do. And now it's going to be linked to something very important to me, painting!  So my little altar represents  and more it evokes all that is important to me right now. Energies I want to draw into in the paintings I will create during my Visual Quest course. Love is a big one, the energy that fills my heart in a big way since Oktober last year. And then my great grandmother, she is on the picture, she is with me as a guide right now. I can feel her warm soothing presence around me, which helps me so much. And the feathers i got from a special overseas friend. They come from her own birds, she gathered them for me in her garden. I use them to wave away negative energies and to cleans a room or a person with sage or incense. And my small collection of special stones and crystals, that hold special energy for me.  My altar feels complete right now..YES, I am ready to go :-)

♥

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Do i know you?

A beautiful poem about love written by my very old time friend.

Do I know you? do I know you ? do I know you?

Effortless I am in your arms
A tender membrane covers me while you hold me

A void filled with us creating emptiness
Where are we going in this world without space
Where gravity doesn’t exist
You know....THAT place? Where there are no lines
Where it feels like it is....
Anything can become everything
That’s where I want to be


Poem by Claudette van de Rakt

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Healing

Wow! Today I have entered in this fabulous PAINTING e-course guided by Pixie Campbell, VISUAL QUEST!! It is a 5 week e-course which starts on Monday the 29^th of July.  It feels like I’m entering  kind of portal, in the sense of entering a new path to painting. But it’s not only that it goes much deeper than that. It’s about hope of entering a new life for me. 

Recently I have had a big setback on the job front. I lost my job because of my frequent bacterial infections. While I was in the process of losing it I often felt like falling off a cliff with no safety net to catch me. It was so freakin’ scary. Now that that scary part is over I realize I have been putting my art on the backseat for too long. I’ve been literally ignoring it at times.  Ignoring its nagging that it wanted to be acknowledged  by me. So while I went through the terrifying process of losing my job recently,  I also had to review who I am as a provider for my children, and also as a person.  I really had to take that long hard look at what I had done to myself, why I had not taken my creative drive seriously, and my instincts and deep desire  to make art, and to make IT at art? I now realize I had ignored it to the degree it made me literally sick. My body had in a way made the decision to change tracks in my life for me. Getting ill so severe and so often had caused me to lose my job. A job which has emptied me out completely after doing it largely against my will for 10 years.   

So I can’t even begin to describe how I feel about entering ‘Visual Quest’. I feel so warm inside since I know I will be taking this 5 week journey with Pixie Campbell and a lot of other inspiring artists. I will be on a mission to find my ‘real’ self again and renew my relationship to art and painting.

So So HAPPY!!!!!!

I can’t wait to begin. 

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My new love..ceramics...

I recently discovered that it is very cool to have a mother who is a specialist in ceramics, and especially in glazing...I went there for the weekend and could not stop myself from playing with her clay..Now I am anxiously waiting for her to put it in the kiln and after that to play around with the different glaze colors of hers...I plan to make lots of jewelry type of objects. Oh and....and buttons. I am so anxious, you can't imagine :)))

*These pics I took around her studio...they are colors samples she made. She uses them to decide what glaze/color combinations to make on her clay sculptures.

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My Little butterfly is two years old today!!!

Today it has been two years since my little darling daughter was born! Look how adorable she has become...I am so proud of her :)))

 

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So sorry i haven't been around much on my blog. I haven't been so absent since a long time. I would have liked to be able to spend more time on my blog..but life has me by my hair at the moment. I am adjusting to a whole  new situation of being a single mom! It's liberating i can tell you, i am not on the complaining side of the story. But as single moms out here know it can be also hard..at times...So besides from being in the middle of a divorce, yes divorce! I am trying to keep my head above the water with a few things...But i am good! Feeling better since so long.....

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