Raining raspberry cookies...

Today is a 'raining all day' day..Autumn is really in the air.. This is what it looks like in our house after a day of making real life 'spider-man' webs and baking cookies, and painting faces into princess, pirate to cookie monster.. :-)

                                                                                                                                                                  

 Making his web more sophisticated..

 Lost in the web...

Hanging from the web doing his spider-man moves..mean while the princess is dressing up..

Then the two cookie monsters made raspberry cookies..Very yum!

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Proud mama

My almost seven year old son came in the bathroom this morning to tell me his thoughts on the soul:

Mommy I was thinking: I think that our souls don’t have gravity, so  that means when our body dies it is not able to keep the soul  bound to earth anymore, so the souls flies away. Our body is like a box to contain our soul. And then he added: that also means that when our souls are still inside our bodies while we live we can’t really see each other. 

He blew me away again, like he does so regularly, with his brilliant mind.. 

Ps: After three months of psychiatric research to find out why he is showing behavior that is not accepted by society. Yesterday I heard the verdict. I was told what diagnose they found fitting his behavior by the psychiatrist. He got labeled with three disorders....None of which said brilliant mind, tender heart or sensitive soul...  Which he is clearly gifted with....

xxxProud mama

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Mantra chanting, what good does it do?

                                              

I have heard of mantra chanting before, maybe you have too. But never have i thought of this perspective to the chanting. It is so magical yet so logical that mantras effect us in this way, like Deva says in this video. It gives a whole new impulse, to me anyway, to try mantra chanting myself. And than there is the thing that they make it so easy to try, because on their website  these two warm hearted and lovely people put together a 21 day  program (for free), where every day is a new day with a new mantra to chant. What a beautiful initiative/gift from these beautiful people. You can find it and subscribe to it if you like here..

Auspicious journey

I love the word auspicious :-)

Painting by me of goddess Parvati

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Medicine for the soul

Picture by Jan Saudek

This post is a bit hard to post, because for me its one of the hardest things to be open about. But as synchronicity wants it, i AGAIN stumbled across someone's loving words full of vulnerability about the issues she has with her own body. I was really temped to just NOT post it. But it touched me too much. and then i need to post it, because it may help others as well. and not only that when i post it, it goes deeper, i take it out of its shadow, i bring the thing i fear most into the light. So it is something i need to go through, its not to be ignored by me for enabling its medicine to help me and to flow through me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"your body knows what you are going through.  It understands and it's been taking care of you." That was the turning point for me, you see. That's where I realized that I've been neglecting my dear body, not by abusing it--but by completely ignoring it and thinking so hateful to it at times.  That's why I had to allow my hands to draw the belly and breasts that I usually are a shame of and keep trying to pretend are not there. Most of all, I had to connect again with this great wisdom--the wisdom of my body. The flesh and muscles and bones and organs that have been witness to all that I have been going through--and have just taken and taken and taken and taken so that I could serve my family, my students, my business.....but I've been suppressing their soft wishes to finally serve myself. The woman that began to appear in my painting had wings instead of arms and a heart so bright that it's illumination glows through her skin.  She's naked and vulnerable and scarred from a child birth that didn't go as planned. She's large.  She's fleshy.  She's full. She's alive. She's strong.  She's healing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is what i copied directly out of her post. You can find the painting she made of herself and the whole written piece here

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Strength

 

Sometimes you don’t realize 

your own strength 

until you come face to face 

with your greatest weakness. 

~Susan Gale

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Beautiful talk about life

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But what does my soul want...

This song made me cry a little tonight.... 

It touched me in that place in my heart where i keep that feeling 
of missing being close to someone in the real way. 

To be with someone who:

Loves me for who i am and not for what they want me to be. 

Can take me speaking my truth 

Does not interpret my truth as a criticism on there selves. 

Simply is open to what my truth is, without assessing, evaluating or judging it.

          

You must take care of your heart alone, like I must do to heal my open wound

Be the message of the hawk and fly with air tell the truth

And said with your spirit crying

Coz that’s what my soul wants

My god when will my time has come?

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Language of no words is how we speak

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Manifesto.........of love

                                        

Practice being more receptive in your daily life. Notice how life changes for you when you allow yourself to ask for help from others as well as from the power of the universe…

Receiving is an act of love. Whenever you decree you want healing, this is a statement of loving yourself.

Receiving the gift of love brings harmony into your life. In shedding light on a stubborn problem, you are requesting that harmony return to your life.

Love is a state of union. When you can receive love, you can know union.

-Sandra Ingerman from Medicine for the Earth

To feel lovable is a huge challenge. If you don’t feel lovable it is pretty hard to trust any body who might be inspired by you. In order to feel lovable, you firstly should manage to refuse any kind of power game with life, You might want to try to love others and do them as good as you can. The bottom line is to let true love birth within yourself. I believe it is only possible to have that happen when you can love yourself totally nude and accept all part of it that you can connect and union with others. To be able to accept your own limits, your own vulnerability of the need, the humbleness to receive...

Text via here

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Mystery

Picture found here

“You find out that what you are is a force—a force that makes it possible for your body to live, a force that makes it possible for your whole mind to dream.”

“Without you, without this force, your body would collapse on the floor. Without you, your whole dream just dissolves into nothing. What you really are is a force that is Life. If you look into the eyes of someone near you, you will see the self-awareness, the manifestation of Life, shining in his eyes. Life is not the body; it is not the mind; it is not the soul. It is a force. Through this force, a newborn baby becomes a child, a teenager, an adult; it reproduces and grows old. When Life leaves the body, the body decomposes and turns to dust.”

“You are Life passing through your body, passing through your mind, passing through your soul. Once you find that out, not with the logic, not with the intellect, but because you can feel that Life— you find out that you are the force that makes the flowers open and close, that makes the hummingbird fly from flower to flower. You find out that you are in every tree, you are in every animal, vegetable, and rock. You are that force that moves wind and breathes through your body. The whole universe is a living being that is moved by that force, and that is what you are. You are Life.”

~Don Miguel Ruiz from The Mastery of Love

Text found via here 

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Sending my wish to the universe......

Picture found here

Love is trembling happiness. 

~Kahlil Gibran

Find me......

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Late night face time

My dear friend Claudette and i have had a couple of delightful facetime and skype talks lately..

Here is what our late night talk tonight was all about........

My last blogpost was about the important question what it is that i am practising...
This subject was one of our topics in tonights' face time session.. And as i dont like to hold things back, because i feel i am on a mission to become a 'truth-teller', i will not hold back on my answer to this important question.

I am constantly practicing my conviction I will never find a (real) man in my life, one that loves me shows me he loves me without asking for it. And furhter more i am practising the belief no man will ever find me, or fight for me.So i'm the one who constanly is in a fight-mode for the love of a guy!! I don’t want to look for that guy, i dont want to try and find him, I want to be found by him! In constantly being in that figh-mode I am practicing the fear I will never be found. That I won’t be seen, that I will end up alone!

One of my other biggest fears i practise is and the one where i fear no man will want me if he knew how i really am. I am not always that strong woman that can do whatever she puts her mind to. That strong woman that can do everythuing on her own, by herself and that knows exacly what she wants never doubts it. I am so sick and tired for being seen as such i could puke right now!!!

That is not the woman I am, I have so many fucking moments that I have no idea whatsoever what to do or what to feel or what to think, subsequently make the ‘wrong ‘decision and have to clean up whatever messy consequences have come from that. I want to be seen in that!  As someone who is (occasionally) weak and who does (occasionally) make a mess that seems beyond repair, and as someone who does panick thinking about what step to take next. And that that is okay, that nothing about me is too ugly and can’t be shown, can’t be loved.  I am not as people LIKE me to see as.

Is it too hard to see me as someone who doesn’t have it all together? Does seeing and looking at my weaknesses mirror too well that you don’t have it all together yourself?! Is that why people like to see that fake image of me??

Well, I refuse to oblige anymore, i am DONE!!!  

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Painting in the dark

                 

I was very unhappy with the way this painting had turned out in the 'face-part'. Each time my eye caught it i felt a stab with discontent in my body. I did not know what to do with it, its been bugging me for a few weeks now.

Yesterday evening i finally mustered up the courage to paint the face away. By the time i started this it was already pitch dark in my balcony painting studio. I li a candle and ignored the lack of light and started the 'work over' anyway. Thinking it could be intesting to see what happens when paint a painting in the dark.. I wasnt worried to ruin it because with this painting i did not have much too lose anyway.

Maybe it's time to experiment some more 'candle light painting' :-)



The words of wisdom from John O'Donohue are perfectly describing in what mood i was painting this one when i initially painted it a few weeks ago...


“All the possibilities of your human destiny are asleep in your soul. You are here to realize and honor these possibilities. When love comes in to your life, unrecognized dimensions of your destiny awaken and blossom and grow. Possibility is the secret heart of time.”-John O'Donohue

                          

                 By daylight this morning...i like it, maybe it shoud stay this way, 'a face in the clouds'...

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Hmmmmm

I've discovered that patience is not only a virtue but a very attractive, intriguing quality. Those that display eagerness, impatience or control tend to come off as incapable. These qualities have a tendency to turn people off. But...to be patient, one must be secure, trusting and extremely flexible. In my opinion...those qualities are just down right sexy. 

I love the way these words sound... :-) 
I think i am going to re-read them as often as i can ♥

Thank you Jada Pinkett Smith 

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What is destiny?

Today i felt another kind of perspective. I must emphasize felt because it was not only in my head, i also truly sensed it, even if it was just for a nano-second. It was about how life can be looked at from different perspectives. We as humans mostly experience the perspective from our own point of view. It’s very detailed, or better said its super up-close!  We generally see the micro version, we focus in on the details so to speak. As we focus in on details we feel emotions, so those emotions get attached to us and to what we see, we perceive this as the truth. And we act accordingly, we respond accordingly to the detail we see. 

But we all know there are multiple ways of looking at our lives. Another one is that famous 'other',   It’s the view that is viewing at what we call life from greater distance, the one that looks down on all. The one that has an overview and the one that does not focus in on details. Actually a better description is, the one that does not dwell on details and emotions coming forth from that up-close way of looking at our life.  The one that 'knows' or 'is' our destiny. The one that doesn’t waver and doesn’t fear. It doesn’t matter how we toss and turn, if it is your destiny it will happen and if it’s not it just won't. I feel great comfort in having expirienced this today and a litlle sweet tasting faith also. 

♥

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Real hands and real skin

This morning started with finding a piece of wisdom from Jada Pinkett Smith. I found it on my Facebook timeline. It felt like it was speaking directly to me. I feel lots of resistance when thinking about what it said, because it's NOT what i want to look at in myself. But on the other hand I know it’s the only way to go. I have to look at if i am true to my own heart right now.  

After i was alone i started to prepare for my 1st shamanic journey, like i planned for today and I wrote about in my previous post. I prepared doing some sage burning rituals. But i somehow never got to make the journey because there was an unfinished painting on my table and it kept pulling my attention. I just could not look away. So i decided to finish this first and maybe do the journey tomorrow.   

The painting made me feel very emotional and i felt it strong because of that first piece of wisdom i read this morning, (the one from Jada). My process when I am painting is much about an intuitive flow, and I pick up from what surrounds me, and all that needs my souls' attention finds a way into my work.

So today was about this deep sadness i been feeling and that has been excruciating for me. I want to be lifted from this sadness.. Even if this dream I been having never comes true for him and me, the dream i been whishing for for 10 lonely months now. I don’t know what to do about that anymore to let it come true... I just know I desperately want to feel happy again.

Words in the painting:

*Please black Obsidian, I need your power.

*am I somebody’s dream, (woman)??

*My tears are connected to heaven, my blood is the rain in your heart.

*are you my spirit, Horse?

*NO! I don’t want to be looked at from nehind glass and from a 300 miles distance anymore..I want to be touched, I want to be held, I want to be loved by real hands and real skin.

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♥

One
Complete 

Picture source on my Pinterest

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Blue light

There is magic in your skin, dear man that i adore♥

Song 

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Flying to you on sweet heavy air

On the car appeared wings...matching the color of her dress...

It flew so fast, beyond the empty space made of sky and earth

Cutting through the many miles between their skin

Hearts moving closer in the sweet honey filled  air

But...as the day turned over and opened up for new opportunity

 She only saw the rear lights of a car with wings

Burning her eyes in the light of the new morning....

Will they ever take off?
 So their hearts can touch...

Sweetening the air between them with a heavy sugared celebration? 

(Poem by me)
(picture in the picture is made by Claudette van de Rakt)

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Coming home

Pictures Claudette made at my place a few weeks ago...

Its so nice to feel in them how she sees my home...

.....She saw it as it is meant to be.....

These pictures are all on Claudette's Tumbler page with the rest of her beautiful work..

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